Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Aaaaand we have a winner! Finally!!

Well, I opened it up to my Facebook peeps to help me think of a new challenge for November.  For a while there I was beginning to wonder if that was such a good idea!  I was getting the craziest stuff!!  Especially from that complete lunatic, Aunt Shirley.  We all have one of those, right?  (I bet mine's crazier!)

But seriously, I loved reading all your ideas and felt so loved and supported.  Except maybe from my sister who suggested I jump from a Utah cliff with a parachute packed by my brother.  Certain death was not a challenge I was interested in but it seemed to amuse her so, bless her heart. :)

The winning idea came from my cousin, Judeena.  Whom I haven't seen since she was knee-high to a grasshopper and yet we are obviously still connected by the eternal bonds of similar family dislikes.  She suggested I shouldn't be allowed to use my dishwasher for a month.  I think I began to tear up as soon as I read those words.  Someone out there knows me so well.  Not just the surface me but the deep down, darkest part of my soul.  I was free!  (I don't know what that means.)

When I mentioned this idea to my husband.  He gave me an evil grin and said, "That's the one." or something like that.  Then he proceeded to tell me that he would make sure I hand washed every dish, myself, every day.  This is key because I often let it go a couple days and then he jumps in and does them out of exasperation.  Hey, I'm not too proud to admit this is not my forte.  Mostly because I dislike it so much.

So there you have it.  November's challenge.  10 lbs. or no dishwasher or helpers for all of December.  Yep, that should do it!

...all good things!

Friday, November 1, 2013

How I lost 15 lbs in October!!



Several years ago I started a diet and exercise program and lost a total of 55 lbs.  I was down to my pre-wedding weight and I was excited!  Unfortunately due to several factors I gained that weight back within a year.  The one thing that I always wished I had done at the time was record the process of how I did it.  The ups, the downs, the inconsistency, the frustration, the landmarks, the wins, etc.


Back then people asked me all the time how I had lost the weight, but when they heard that I counted my calories and ran a 5k (very slowly) every morning they seemed disappointed and lost interest.  I get it.  They wanted "the secret", or at least a more exciting version of what they already knew.  What they didn't know was they were asking the wrong question.  I know because I had succeeded before but for years I couldn't seem to replicate the outcome.  I knew what I had physically done but what I really wanted to know was why did it work?  More importantly, why wasn't it working for me now?



Don't get me wrong, I didn't resume counting calories and running a 5k every morning and not get any results.  My problem was convincing myself to go through it again.  All I could think about was everything I had to give up.  Treats, junk food, snacks every 5 minutes (ok not literally).  The fact of the matter was I didn't often eat treats or fast food or drink soda.  It was a mental block.  I couldn't give up the freedom to do so if I ever wanted to.  But the constant grazing in search of... I don't know what... was the real problem and I didn't want that blunted.


I continued to run, however, and even entered a few half marathons but my weight never dropped more than about 20-25 lbs., which I would quickly regain in the winter when I refused to run in the cold.  Some might think that was a significant accomplishment and that it should have motivated me to continue.  Probably; but the truth was that I found I have to lose a minimum of 30 lbs. before even my closest friends noticed a change.  Not because there wasn't one but it's such a slow process that you have look totally different for people to finally go, "Wow!  You've lost weight!"


One problem was that I never really tracked my weight loss at that time because I refused to diet and didn't even realize I had lost so much until I looked back over my MyFitnessPal entries when I kept entering my "starting weight".   In any case, I clearly had an issue with my diet but I couldn't let go of the control, or actually the perceived freedom from being out of control.


So I suppose what you really want to know is the answer to the post title that got you to open my blog in the first place.  How I lost 15 lbs. in October.  Well, hold your horses!  I've got to give you a little background on the philosophy first or you'll just go, "Oh, well that's kinda weird.  Don't think I'll be doing that!" and you'll stop reading before I can explain why it worked.  You see this is the whole point.  Everyone knows that diet and/or exercise in some form or another is the only way to lose weight without risky pills or surgery.  But instead of asking why will this work for me?  People often ask what do I have to do then they assess if they are willing to do it. 


I've been around a few years and there is something I've noticed about diet and exercise.  There are hundreds of ways to do both …and they all work to some degree.  Some are healthier than others some are more rigid and extreme and some are flexible and easily manageable.  The common element of why they each work is not because of the science but because of the human element.  But the human has to have a why.  This is not breakthrough stuff.  People say this all the time.  "You have to find your why."  May I propose a twist that just may blow your mind and change your life?  It changed mine.


I spent the last few years trying to find my "why".  Something so compelling that I just had to lose weight to achieve it or be lost forever in my misery.  I had several ideas that were exciting and fun and each gave me a sense that it would give my life meaning and purpose.  I had the desire but what I didn't have was a reason to start.  You see, I was already at the bottom.  I was used to being at the bottom.  The bottom was familiar and comfortable.  Going up would just be bonus.  But bonus isn't free.  Bonus is hard work and takes maintenance at a higher level than your current level.  So even your "down time" is harder. 



So I thought "I need an incentive", and I did.  So I began to think of rewards I could give myself along the way.  If I lose 10 lbs., I'll go get my nails done.  But that just never really worked.  I found that if I didn't lose the 10 lbs. I could live just fine without the pretty nails in my life, just fine.  I didn't just need a why.  I needed a WHY I MUST DO IT NOW?


I did a search online and found a popular trend which I didn't do, but sparked my idea.  (So yes, I'm finally getting close to the part where I tell you what I did.)  The trend was online weight loss betting.  A few people would get matched up, put money in a pool and enter their weight loss goal.  If at the end of the allotted time you met your goal you got your money back and split the money left over by those who did not meet their goal with the others who did.  So, for example, 6 people put in $25 and only 5 people met their goal.  The 5 who met their goal get their $25 back plus they split the "loser's" $25 receiving and extra $5 each. 


I had a couple problems with this idea so I had to change it a bit.  My first problem is that I just don't believe in betting of any sort, just on principle.  Also, because I am a stay at home mom this wouldn't be terribly compelling for me because I don't do the actual work that brings the actual cash home.  This would be, in my opinion, an ungrateful way of exploiting my husband's hard work.  Finally, I just can't stomach the idea of taking what I consider sacred family funds and frivolously risk losing it for my own selfish pride.  No there must be a better way.


Although I didn't want to "bet" so someone else loses if I win.  I did like the idea of a consequence.  A horrible, unimaginable, unavoidable consequence.  So I gave myself one and I told people about it so I couldn't back out.  If I didn't lose 15 lbs. in October, my Halloween costume must consist of spandex!  YIKES!!  My husband added to the idea and said I had to dress up as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man if I didn't meet my goal.  WHITE Spandex!!  HORROR!!  Well, there was NO WAY I was going to let that happen!  So after 2 very personal family crisis bombshells, 2 illnesses, a week and a half plateau and the stress of my husband having an MRI, a tumor scare and minor surgery, I lost 15 lbs. on Oct. 30th! 


Now don't tune out just yet!  There are some very interesting things I learned during this process.  The first was what we already discussed.  "Why Now?"  I needed something so compelling that I HAD to do it NOW.  Oct. 31st was coming ready or not.  I didn't have the luxury of waiting until Monday morning, or when things were calmed down at home or when I was feeling better.  People knew and I wasn't going back on my word.


I learned that the main reason this idea worked for me was because it was highly visual.  Every time I wanted to cheat, quit or even rest (although I did skip a couple days when I got sick) I pictured my body stuffed into white spandex sitting at my daughter's school costume parade.  What made it worse was that I live a block from her school and our church so, literally, a very tight knit community.  No pretending nobody knows me.  I would never have been able to leave my house again!  So in a nutshell, I found that I could search for and perfect my 'why' for a life time.  Creating a 'why it must be now' was quick, compelling and effective.


Something else I learned is that I don't have to wait for the stars to align and for conditions to be perfect for me to lose weight.  The night before my weigh in I got a double whammy of heartbreaking news.  I was devastated.  A couple days later they found a mass on my husband's liver they were concerned might be cancerous.  It wasn't and he's fine, but watching him struggle with his own mortality was gut wrenching and stressful.  I became ill twice and finally at the end of the month I played single parent while my husband recovered from surgery.


Finally I learned that weight loss is not a straight line and that I should learn to expect the bumps in the road.  I was weighing myself far too often (daily, and sometimes more often) and the ups and downs about put me in an early grave.  The first week of weight loss was about 7 lbs. which I expected because the first week is always a big loss for me.  I also expected a serious dip the second week but what I didn't expect was a full week and a half of absolutely no progress.  I was freaking out!  I finally lost a pound or two only to follow up the next day with a gain.  If I hadn't been tracking the overall number I would have been convinced that I lost absolutely no weight for all the fluctuations.  I was shocked when I looked back and realized that I had indeed lost an additional 8 lbs. in the last couple weeks.  I think it was about 3 lbs. just in the last 5 days.  Yeah, that was scary close! 


I'm glad that I watched and recorded my experience this month because it would have been all too easy to look back and say "Hey that was a total success!  I averaged a little over 3 lbs. a week!"  The reality was I was often afraid I was going to fail, cried when the scale didn't budge and told my husband that I thought God had abandoned me years ago.  I was an emotional mess.  The funny thing is, though, that my goal gave me clarity and purpose during a very difficult month and actually helped me get through it a little easier than if I had just eaten my way through my emotions.  Turns out I actually feel grateful for the timing of it all.


I've already begun my November challenge today and am committed to losing 10 lbs. this month.  I won't have the cushion of a big first week so this will definitely still be a challenge.  In October I met my goal on the 30th leaving me free to enjoy some worry-free treats on Halloween.  This month I would like to meet my goal before Thanksgiving so I don’t have to have the stress of dieting that day.  Been there, done that.  Lots of tears, not pretty.  So if you have any ideas about what I could use as my “Why Now” this month let me know!  Matt said a dip in the freezing cold lake.  Then he decided he didn’t want to risk me getting hypothermia and dying.  I’m wondering why he assumes I’m gonna fail!!

All good things...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

People of normal weight really think that way?!

At the beginning of summer my family went to visit the in-laws.  We had a wonderful time!  I have wonderful in-laws!  But something my Father-in-law said one day struck me a little funny and really made me stop and think.  He was talking about a morbidly obese woman who lived nearby whom he just adored.  He talked about how sweet she was and how kind.  Then he said he wished he could just go in and tell her what to eat so she could lose weight and be healthy.  This would, in his eyes, make her happy.  Hmmmm.  I completely understand where he's coming from.  This makes total sense from an outsider's point of view.  Especially considering the way the media portrays weight loss.   

 I had to ask myself , "Do normal weight people really think this way?"  I guess I did when I was thin.  I just forgot I did.  "If only they lost weight their problems would be over.  Why can't they just get up and stop being lazy?  Why don't they just stop eating all the junk? Wait, I know...she must have old outdated ideas about weight loss, that's it!  The new science tells us that people who have been losing weight for years did it all wrong.  There's only one way and she keeps picking the wrong one!

But things were different then.  Before I was hurt and broken.

A little insight from the other side pointed out that if the perfect balance of carbs and fats was really the answer then why is it we aren't seeing every person of normal weight using measuring cups and food scales?  I've actually seen skinny people eat fast food!!  How can this be?  Are normal weight people smarter, more intuitive or just more disciplined?  Must be just a freak of nature when fat people succeed in business, art and politics then.   

So here it is...Obesity isn't usually a problem of what is eaten but why.  That's why so many people gain the weight back.  Gosh, did they pick the "wrong" diet?  Did they forget what to do?  Are they just the weak people of the world?  Maybe they're just lazy.  Really?!  I often think when I feel like someone is judging me as lazy, "Look Buddy, why don't you strap an extra 80 or more pounds on your belt for the next decade and see if YOU don't look for a place to sit down!.  By the way I bet I'd smoke you in one of those cub scout leg wrestles!"

Have you ever watched someone on a weight loss show, who stands in front of millions of people watching TV, blink into the camera and say, "I don't know how this happened.  It just snuck up on me."?  And you thought, "WHAT?!  How does 300 lbs of ANYTHING sneak up on you?"  Translation for normal weight people.  What she's really saying is, "I had to make myself so numb to deal with the emotional pain that I was incapable of caring what was happening to my body and therefore didn't notice how bad it had gotten.  I was focused on the numbing of pain and when I could no longer function normally in society and felt judged for my situation my pain increased and so did my need to numb it.  I was blindly caught in a cycle I couldn't get out of."

So what can you do?  Let's look at this in a little different way.  What if you're loved one has a painful and debilitating disease that requires medication to control the pain and stop the progression of the disease.  You discover one day the medication itself is creating a new problem (as nearly all meds do).  As a loving and concerned friend or family member do you insist that person get off the medication at once and stick it out hoping they can endure the pain and don't get worse before you can find a cure?  Or, perhaps do you look for something else to replace the needed meds so the person doesn't suffer needlessly or get worse because they've lost the benefit they were receiving, albeit imperfect?  Ideally you choose option 3.  Find a way to transition your loved one to a healthier medication while trying to find a cure so meds are no longer necessary. 

The point is you can't rip food away from someone to make them happy.  There has to be a process of finding a healthy replacement while searching for a cure.  BTW, the cure isn't weight loss it's self-esteem otherwise the weight loss is temporary.

The problem is some people try to replace the bad medication with an ineffective one.  It's like putting acne cream on leprosy.  You can't help a person to find happiness by telling them they can't have what makes them feel worthwhile without giving them something else that does.  There are few people on this planet, fat or not, who have the "discipline" to forgo the feeling of love and acceptance for months or years in hopes that one day they will be truly loved and completely accepted.  Most people, in some form, accept whatever love or even just attention they can get today.  Because it is vital to basic survival.  So think about where you find peace and comfort and ask yourself if you could give it up for a full year on a "maybe" and see if you don't feel a little dependent and weak.

The other problem, the biggest problem is that most people try to treat the symptoms and not the illness.   They mistakenly believe that losing weight will magically make someone better.  Perhaps for a lucky few this is the case and they are the ones that don't relapse.  They're cured.  They figure it out and are on their way.  But this, I believe is rare.  More often it's like saying treating the migraines will cure the cancer.  Will treating the migraines bring more comfort?  Absolutely!  That's why people who lose weight seem so happy and relieved at first.  Things do seem better.  But when the "cancer" progresses bigger problems arise.  You notice they begin the same negative self-talk, they are still paranoid they are being judged by someone or they turn it outward and become critical of others.  The "cancer" spreads until the waistline begins to spread again as well.  Normal weight people are baffled because all they could see is that the outward obvious pain seemed to be gone.  Why would they go back?

Obesity is rarely a sickness, it's usually a symptom of one.  And simple weight loss doesn't bring lasting life changing joy any more than a trip to the Bahamas.  Eventually you come home and life resumes.  If you still hate yourself when you come home neither one matters in the long run. 

It's so easy for counselors and personal trainers to blame their clients for not changing when they fail to address the real need.  Their clients  need more love and total acceptance.  They need to know that they are worthwhile, useful, and yes, even special.  They need it from someone they aren't paying or who might have a personal agenda.  They don't need another list of shoulds or another lengthy discussion about why their failing and what their doing wrong.  They already tell themselves how they fail all day every day.  They need someone to break that cycle, not encourage it.

This is so much harder than it looks because the cause is often hidden by years and layers of negative experiences and negative self-talk.  A person in this situation is convinced of their worthlessness because life is a reflection of what we consistently focus on and that creates a  cycle of belief and proof in their eyes.  A compliment of "that color is so pretty on you" is continued in their head as, "but you're so fat in it you still look gross, which is why I complimented the color and didn't say you actually look pretty yourself".   Maybe that sounds extreme but it is actual fact.  We really think this way, and not just occasionally...All the time.

So the next time you see a fat or obese person.  Don't judge them as weaker than you.  Compare your own insecurity and weakness and ask yourself how you would feel if everyone, even total strangers, could see it just by looking at you.  Be compassionate look a little deeper and see if there is a wound you can tend.  Add a little healing ointment, as it were.  A kind word does wonders.  If you hear ANYONE say something negative about themselves, call them out.  Tell them how great you think they are, and be specific!  "You're awesome" is meaningless.  "You're an awesome friend, I can tell you anything." is way more helpful.  The worse thing you can do is ignore them because it reinforces their solitude.  And the cycle continues.

Next time I'm going to give you some actual tips on dos and don'ts for helping yourself or a loved one.  I'll explain why you are actually doing more damage when you think you're helping.  Some of these will surprise you!


All good things...
Tina

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Welcome to all my new friends!  I'm so grateful you decided to stop by my blog to learn more about what I'm doing to make lasting changes in my family. 

On Sunday, September 1st, KSL aired a segment about our family taking the Healthy Habits Challenge.  It was a short segment and we didn't discuss a lot on air but rest assured there is a very detailed plan being formulated for my family.   In the coming days I will share with you some very different and unique approaches I'll be taking to change things around here. 

What you will NOT find here is a detailed diet plan that requires strict militant adherence or eliminates entire food groups.  This is for imperfect people!  No perfection will be tolerated here!!

What you WILL find is insight and personal opinions not found anywhere else.  Things like why I think there's no such thing as a "Trigger Food" and why it's ok to trust your gut when science is touting its new finding about nutrition.  Also, I'll talk about unconventional ways to encourage healthy habits in your home.  How about a kitchen/pantry make over?  A little organization and beautification might make you less likely to avoid cooking because you don't know what you have, where it is or your kitchen is just sooo ugly you hate being in there.  Did you notice my lovely dark green countertops?  Gotta change that!  And I have a cheap and beautiful way to do it you're gonna LOVE!!  Or how about a discussion about how your body isn't the cause of your pain but a reflection of it?  Or the ever controversial, why I don't believe in depression (for the majority of pill takers/counseling addicts) anymore.

So why should you listen to this fat lady give you advice about how to lose weight?  Well, for one thing I've done it many times and I learn something new about myself with each attempt.  And frankly, weight loss has very little to do with knowledge of nutrition and exercise.  I've probably read enough material on the subject to choke a horse.  Yet look me.  My knowledge has gotten me nowhere.  The other reason is that it's very rare to get to see someone's internal transformation while it's happening.  Was she perfect with her diet everyday?  How did she deal with birthday cake or Thanksgiving?  How did she get over that really bad fight with the hubby without eating herself into oblivion?  What did she do after she slipped and DID eat herself into oblivion?  I think that would be much more useful than to listen to someone's "when I was fat" stories after the fact.  Weight loss isn't a perfect process for perfect people.  We need to face the sloppiness of it all.

This blog is about finding answers within and being true to what we believe and not what we are being sold.  It's the inconsistency we feel when our personal belief says everything the Earth provides for food serves a purpose and is for our good clashes with the world's view that something you know is from God is bad for you.  That's when we hesitate, don't fully commit, doubt ourselves and eventually fail.  We know better but we don't trust our inner voice.

I mentioned to some that this blog is about accountability to me.  But as I've thought about it more it's really about community.  I don't need any more advice or coaching.  I need love and support and more importantly I need to reach out and love and support others.  I believe this is where true and lasting healing lies.  When are hearts are full our tummies are more satisfied.

Come back tomorrow and often to follow along, comment and get support from others, whether you deal with weight issues or someone you love does.  Also, share posts you find insightful or helpful with your friends online and off.

All good things...
Tina



 





Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Welcome to the Heil Family Healthy Habits Tracker!

Watch us on KSL Channel 5 on Sunday, September 1st at 4pm.  Don't be late, we're on first!!


Hey, everyone this is Tina Heil.  Welcome to our Healthy Habits Tracker!

On Sunday our family will be featured in a segment on KSL called the Healthy Habits Challenge.  Our family will be making some changes to get healthier and we invite you all to share our journey.  Better yet, follow along with your own changes and tell us what you're doing.  Yippee!

I've never blogged before but I thought this might be a good way to have some accountability.  I encourage you to leave lots of comments, suggestions and compliments!  This will help us stay on track.  Wish us lots of luck, this is going to be way out of our comfort zone!!!